The Worst Makeup Call Ever

Famous Jameis strikes again. The two-sport playing, rape accusation defending, Heisman trophy winning FSU quarterback has picked up a new moniker: shoplifter. This new title comes after Winston was caught leaving a local Publix (a chain of grocery stores in the south that really deserves to be everywhere) with $32 worth of crab legs and craw-fish.

Jameis certainly chose an interesting time to pick up the mantle of the Florida Man.


The Leon County Sheriff's Office has recently started a new Adult Citation Program, wherein the offender must perform some community service and/or pay a fine to have the citation wiped from their record. Traditionally these citations were reserved for minors only, but in an effort to avoid giving criminal records to low-level offenders, they have since expanded it to adults. In Winston's case, he must pay a $30 fine and perform 20 hours of community service. Additionally, the Florida State baseball team has suspended him until he has signed 1000 autographs completed the community service. The key takeaway here is that Jameis' record continues to stay squeaky clean. Not that I'm advocating for arresting anyone for taking a dinner's worth of seafood, but for someone who has had this many run-ins with the law (including other food related incidents) Jameis sure knows how to avoid having his record tarnished.

"Man, these bans on large sodas are killing me. So many refills..."

Coincidentally, this comes on the heels of the NCAA passing a new regulation granting student-athletes unlimited free meals. Perhaps Jameis thought this applied universally to Publixes (Publixii??) and Burger Kings alike? What if there is a Burger King Express on campus? Does the rule apply there, but not at a regular franchise? What if you pose for a photo with the assistant manager? This certainly is not the first case of an athlete at a Florida university thinking that they could take food or impounded cars without paying. Since Jameis is the offending party this time, sports media outlets are expected to take a stance and it better be an extreme one.

The most fascinating aspect of the timing of this case has nothing to do with food or shoplifting. The Department of Education, as in the United States D.O.E., has just released a list of 55 institutions of higher learning that are being investigated for potentially mishandling complaints of sexual assault. Surprisingly, there is only one university from Florida on the list. Unsurprisingly, that school is Florida State. One can only assume this stems from the debacle that was the Jameis Winston sexual assault case.

Which brings me to the most polarizing event in sports -- the titular referee mea culpa. Hated by those fans whose teams have the call made against them and equally enjoyed by fans on the other side who were slighted by an earlier blown call.

We can make jokes about Jameis taking and giving crabs. We can say that the craw-fish wanted it for dressing a certain way (I would never say that, btw). At the end of the day the joke's not on Jameis or that poor girl, or even us, the insatiable sports fan. The joke is on the criminal justice and law enforcement officials of Florida who made it abundantly clear that they know they severely screwed up and want to tell everyone, "Our bad about earlier, but look we made up for it. We got him!"